Celebrity

I do not understand celebrity culture. Sure I enjoy seeing actors and actresses and singers and performers do their thing, and I enjoy interviews of them explaining how they did it etc. But I simply do not understand this mindset that somehow celebrity=GOD. There are magazines and websites devoted entirely to the lives of people I will never meet. If I wanted, right now I could probably search Taylor Swift's Favorite Color and come up with an accurate answer in a matter of seconds.

Answer: White

When would this information ever be useful? Even if I met Taylor Swift, how many times in

our day to day lives do I actually need to know someone else's favorite color? Favorite colors

were invented as conversation fillers for boring people. Example:

"Damn. . .been waiting in this movie line forever Jim."

"I know Jerry. Hey you know what's funny?"

"What, Jim?"

"We've known each other, what, twenty years?"

"Yup. And?"

"I still don't know your favorite color Jerry."

"Oh. . .it's blue, Jim. What's yours?"

"Orange."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's nice. How about them Yankees?"

What's more, now if I ever meet Taylor Swift, I have one less point of conversation. I

already know her favorite color. No wonder celebrities usually go out with other celebrities-I

can't imagine liking someone who already knew everything about me. In celebrity culture, these

people are called 'fans'. In real life, these people are called stalkers. If someone came up to me

right now and told me that they knew everything about me and always read the paper looking

for news about me and had pictures of me all over their walls, I would call the police. A girl saying

they are obsessed with Robert Pattinson is 'adorable'. A girl exhibiting the same behavior to a

real boy is creepy.

Taking it one step further, not only do these magazines exhibit trivial facts about these stars,

but they constantly dissect their love lives, parenting, and secret photos taken of them.

Sometimes all three at once- Cosmo magazine does a special every month on photos taken of

celebrities so they can determine everything from how close the celebrity couple's bonds are

to how happy the celebrities themselves are. And people eat it up. They send in letters praising

the segments on their 'accurate analysis'. It's like some cosmic form of high school gossip.

"So I hear Jane and Thomas are on the way out."

"Oh yeah. Look at them walk down the hallway together. You can totes see that they aren't

into being seen together anymore."

"Not only that Veronica, look at this pic on my phone."

"Omg! Is that. . ."

"Thomas and Ruby making out at my party last night? Yup. You wanna make this pic viral?"

"Love to."

Only instead of being humiliated over Facebook, Thomas and Ruby and Jane are splashed

across the cover of every magazine in the United States. Goodbye To Celebrity Couple types

the gleeful demon responsible for these blown up headlines. Facebook pictures can be erased,

relationships can be saved, but those headlines, those are forever.

At least until we get bored and move onto juicier gossip.