Hill Rolling has Factors One Should Consider

I have an awful, awful habit of not paying attention to the right things at the right time. One of these fine moments in life happened not a few short weeks ago at the Grad party of a friend of mine. This friend in particular had a large backyard with a hill and a coolie. His basement was lined with windows so one could enjoy this spectacular view. On this day, the guests downstairs, which included myself, decided to go outside and enjoy the view from there. I zoned out for a minute there. I'm pretty sure that I was singing "The Sound of Music" to myself and spinning on the hill like Julie Andrews, if Julie Andrews only knew half the words to the song. When I came out of my Julie coma, I noticed people dusting themselves off at the bottom of the hill and going inside. "Oh, they rolled down the hill," I thought "What a charming idea. I should do it too."

I have come to the conclusion that my brain has no idea how to assess situations. Because hill rolling would have been fine if I had not been in a dress. My brain equation should have gone:

Hill rolling+dress+large window=bad idea

Instead it went something like:

Hill rolling=superhappyfuntasticfuntime!

Two important variables, we see, were left out of the second equation. What's more, once that equation had been set in my brain, I refused to let go of the notion that my equation was completely wrong.

Katie: Grace, don't do it. Bad idea.

Grace: No, no it looked like fun! I want to roll down the hill.

Katie: Grace, you're in a dress.

Grace: So?

(My other friend, Billy, was laughing silently at Katie's attempts to add these variables to my equation. I should have known then that it would end poorly.)

Katie: Grace. . .

I was already off. I laid on my back and started rolling and realized immediately that Katie was absolutely right. Dresses have an odd tendency to curl upon themselves in what I imagine is the clothing form of the fetal position when faced with gravity and centrifugal force. Dresses just don't have balls. I ended up showing the entire basement my underwear.

At least it was cute.