The Future, Part Two

Today I was planning to tell an amusing anecdote about how I spent forty five minutes at a practice that I had no need to be at. I was going to explain in detail about how much I enjoyed learning simple ballet warmups with Aili Smith and how excited I was getting for the show. . .when Aili pulled out a list of dancing partners and I was left standing alone in a corner, perplexed. I eventually went home, after being informed that I wasn't needed at practice until next Thursday. But I actually have a little bit of seriousness that I need to talk about today. You may recall in my last post about the future, that I discussed wanting to be an actress for my career. Well, today I learned that my dream was very tangible. My mother told me when I got home from a play tonight that the audition guidelines for the Guthrie Internship were online. I immediately went to my computer and gazed at the facts before me. My response?

Breathe. Breathe! BREATHE!

Twenty people chosen out of a nationwide audition search. Four and a half minute audition and that's it. My mind started to run through every play I'd ever heard of ever for audition material. My back tensed up. I didn't know why I felt in such a state of shock. I wanted to get in, didn't I? Then I realized: this tension, this wasn't from auditions. This tension was from having to make a decision right now on what I want to do for the rest of my life. Honestly, right now, I wish I was five and still able to say:

"Rawr! I want to be a dinosaur when I grow up!" And then I could promptly bite the nearest adult who dared to contradict me.